Monday, June 25, 2012

I Feel Like I Should Blog

I have really cut back on blogging these days. So I want to catch up a little bit.

I started my externship obvs. I have been there for about three weeks already, and I have learned SO MUCH. They are letting me do so much hands on stuff that I can feel my brain getting bigger. It's so nice to finally be at that point where things are starting to make a full circle. For so many months, I have sat in classes and wondered how it would all tie together and when it would finally make sense. Well.. it's starting to do that! I am so grateful for this job. So, so grateful. It's definitely been emotional though. Heck, I have been emotional this whole summer. Sometimes I really think I want to do peds oncology but there are some days when I don't think I am strong enough. I am too relational and too much of a feeler. I don't think it's possible for me to just walk in to work and turn off the second I leave. I think about those kids all the time. It's borderline unhealthy. But they have tendencies to make their little way into my heart.

Ben is in Utah right now for training. That still hasn't sunk in all the way. I feel like God is teaching me so much through this relationship. I also feel like any of you who read this blog (if anyone anymore) have heard me talk about all this so there's no need to go into detail. But to sum it up, I hate change. I hate unknowns. And I hate when I am not in control. And I worry easily. SOOOO... I pray relentlessly over this subject. I am opening up my hands and remembering that Ben is not mine - he is the Lord's. And I have given this relationship over to God many of times. There is just a lot of transitions coming in this next month, and I want to keep my head on straight. So if you think about it, that's something you can be praying for for me if you'd like!

Friends. It has been hard for me to be so far away from everyone this summer. Every year it feels like I get closer to people at IWU, and then every summer it seems like I could really use the company of those people around me. I think I was even a little depressed about it for the first month I was home. Now I have stopped sulking about it, and I literally drive for forever to see people. Like this weekend I am driving to Cleveland to see Lindsay, but it will be so worth it. I have to stop thinking that I am being restrained to Chicago, because I'm not (I mean maybe a little with my work schedule). So I have been so grateful to spend time and have good talks with so many people these days whether it's on the phone, or over skype, or in person. They have all been so encouraging, and they remind me what a great support system I have.

I have reading "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado. I just started it, and my oh my how it is relevant to my life right now. It is about learning how to let go of your burdens so you can better love others and possess more joy. I really think I am supposed to read every single sentence of this book. So I am retreating to my grandma's beautiful back yard for a little while today to read and get some sun. Then my brother asked me to be his plus one for a hockey banquet tonight. Precious right??? Of course I said yes. So it'll be me and a bunch of hockey boys and families and my brother. Bound to be interesting I am sure. =]

1 comment:

  1. I love how much you're learning. I can't wait to debrief about how God has provided.

    You're doing a good job of learning love and thankfulness and maturity in a big transition stage of your life. I'm so proud!

    You always always make me smile. I'm so glad we're friends.